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Trying Again

Ok, so again, I'm trying this blog thing again.....I have a lot on my mind, a lot going on and I need to get some of this out.

I'll start with the  fact that my father hasn't passed away yet, he's too stubborn.  My mother has breast cancer, we found out about a month ago, she had known about the lump

for about a year.....She hid it because it was touch and go with Dad.  She didn't tell Dad until it had become ulcerative and was bleeding badly and she was scared.  I happen to

walk in the door as that was going on and informed her she WAS going to the hospital. No discussion. Of course, I wasn't allowed to drive them....have I mentioned she's stubborn too?

Mom will be 82 next week, Dad is now 86.  They won't move, the house is too much for them to take care off. They won't let anyone drive them anywhere, despite the fact that they are both

almost blind. How did my dad pass his last drivers' test???

My youngest son and I went down to bring in wood for them today, I took my new camera to show Dad and  snuck a few pictures of them without them knowing it.

What to do with them?  They have us worried. Dad is supposed to be on oxygen, see how well that's working?  Mom faints for no reason at anytime, no reason that they can find. She's fallen at the store and Dad wouldn't let them call an ambulance.  He used a wheelbarrow to get her into the house. GAHHHHH!!

I'm torn....Yes, I worry about them, but at the same time, I feel like it's just familial guilt that makes me go help them.  My family isn't close.  My parents were not emotionally available while  I was growing up.  I was a disappointment to them from the time I was born....I wasn't the beautiful child that two gorgeous, model looking people thought they would have and they let me know that...all the time.  My feelings about them.....? I don't know. They're my parents, I love them, but I'm not attached to them. Does that make sense? I've heard "I love you" more as a adult than I ever can recall as a child.  In the delivery room, after my Kaliko was born, my mother said to me, and I quote, "Laura, you were always so homely as a child that we never thought anyone would ever love you and look what you've done, she's beautiful."  That was my entire childhood, in that one sentence.  My hubs almost kicked her out of the room.   What do I do now?

For those I love the most

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/01/the-truth-about-people-with-dyslexia-poem/

Sharing dyslexia with the world

http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/10/14/channing-tatum-foxcatcher-interview/?_php=true&_type=blogs&ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000595&_r=0

It's almost time.....

It's almost time for my father to die.... He's 84. He collapsed 11 days ago from the effects of a subdural hematoma. So much pressure that his brain had moved 3/4 oh an inch. They drilled a few holes on the right side of his skull to drain and relieve the pressure, fix the bleeder, bring him back to us. He's not the same. He may never be again. The drama has begun. Will he go to a nursing home? Who is able to help? Mom is 80 and barely able to care for herself, let alone Dad. Who will care for the property? Well, actually, I was informed today who is doing that.....whatever. There's only a few items promised to me, I don't care about the rest. Dealing with our dysfunctional family dynamicsis, ummm, well....not pleasant. We all believe we're being the bigger person. We all still suck. Angry over a past that can't be changed, not willing to budge to have a peaceful future. We live our separate lives, not having anything to do with each other. Holiday magic ended 12yrs ago. Birthdays together don't happen, family vacations, never. Yet, we all sit in the waiting room of an ER sharing a few stories with the nurses and doctors about our father, the explorer, the builder, the avid reader, photographer, animal, lover, health nut, poet, stubborn old man, who's believes the government is out to get him. Ill share more stories in the coming days I'm sure

Surgery

On March 6th I had rotator cuff surgery....I had injured it a year before, tried denying it's existence for awhile. But, it got worse and worse. Finally went to the Dr. got x-rayed, did pt for six weeks, then got the MRI, then a month later had surgery. Now two and a half months later, my shoulder is frozen. I was doing pt 3x a week! And doing my exercises at home. Pt team is frustrated, Dr is confused, sending me to another Dr. I just want to use my arm again. Heard about Graston therapy yesterday, researched it, found a Dr in the area, calling tomorrow. Meds aren't helping, I don't like taking them. I want results. This school year for my girl has been a tough one. Common core started. Her teacher doesn't understand dyslexia. The SPED teacher had to resign for medical reasons and the school kept rotating substitute teachers. When I finally had enough, I went up and made a meeting happen with one of the principles. He took notes, set up another meeting with her IEP team. I lost my temper at that one. The head principle set up another meeting with me a week to give her time to get the situation figured out. When I arrive at the meeting, the first words out of her mouth were 'I'm sorry' Wow! She discovered that they had messed up royally. Missing records, goals not met. She fixed some issues, changed some of the procedures. 'What else can we do for you?' Gotta love when they know they've screwed up and are ready to kits your ass. Now the big decision, to go back there next year or homeschool. I really want to try unschooling, we'll see what happens this summer. Now, back to doing my pt.